Shocking News, racism in the Media!
posted by WesinCalgary @ 1:38 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
"He's an immigrant who films you when you're not looking...He's Rowdy Rowdy Peeper!"
I ripped this from Dwight's blog, classic. Any single Wesincalgary readers give this guy a shout!
Man is a strange animal...Especially as a woman
Like most males, I like a little action when I can get it. However, like most males, often times it is not as easy a task to assay. Unlike those with two X chromosomes who can get it just about whenever they wish, we have to work a little harder-actually a lot harder. Now I'm no ugly bastard or anything (just ask Wes, he'll tell ya),** but recently I've been having a dry spell. So, I actually considered one of them online dating thingys.
** It's true, Dwight is what I call 'man-pretty', his cheek bones are higher than Courtney Love on Christmas and he speaks in iambic pentameter. **
Well, I was online on one for a grand total of 4 days, and I received nothing of the sort. I had a profile up, my picture was nice, my face was relatively food and grime free, and my profile extolled the virtues of the kind of person I was, etc. Nothing. They have these things called 'smiles', whereby if a woman is interested in your profile, she may leave one, ostensibly to express interest in you. And believe me, it was quite the solicitation, for I literally carpet bombed (no pun intended) every woman that I found suitable, which at this juncture quite honestly was about 80% of them, and I received silence in exchange. Well, that was my $20 worth. What are ya gonna do?......Well, I will tell you what I did...
I did some research on the particular dating company from an article you may find here. By the estimation of the company profiled, they reckon it is 10 males per female online (surprise, surprise). I hadn't quite thought about, but then I decided to conduct my own experiment. I posted an ad, not as a male but as a female. I included such salacious details as a height of 5'9", I was blonde, 27 years old, and mentioned that I was looking for nothing serious, just some fun, new in town, blah,blah, blah, and mentioned that I spoke Croatian and Polish, to sweeten the pot some more (what guy doesn't have Eastern European fantasies?). As for a picture, I didn't include that, just to create some mystery. Well, it has been 24 hours since the profile has been up, and thus far I have received 13 messages from potential suitors. Without a fuckin' picture, for chrissakes! There was one fella who was speaking to me in my native tongue (polish, you will recall).I don't know what the fuck he said, but I'll bet he was a nice guy. There was another guy, who thought I sounded 'really cool', I guess based upon my 56 word profile blurb. Wow, ESP as well. What woman wouldn't be impressed? I am tempted to write back, but I think I will see how long this goes before some of them recognize that a) a picture may not be forthcoming-ever or b) someone perchance sees this blog, or the above article link and sez "..wait a minute....there might not be woman on here at all!" In fact, when I was on the above mentioned website in the 'males seeking chicks to fu....' er, I mean 'seeking female companionship' section, I saw a picture of a well equipped woman whom I recall seeing in a sex mag...er..I mean that my friend Aaron showed me in a sex mag, and that kinda put the bug in my ear.
My advice? Save your money and go out and spend the same amount on drinks and go looking the old fashioned way. At least that way you can tell how good that girl's Croatian is. Or her Polish for that matter.
posted by Dwight at 11:32 AM
Man is a strange animal...Especially as a woman
Like most males, I like a little action when I can get it. However, like most males, often times it is not as easy a task to assay. Unlike those with two X chromosomes who can get it just about whenever they wish, we have to work a little harder-actually a lot harder. Now I'm no ugly bastard or anything (just ask Wes, he'll tell ya),** but recently I've been having a dry spell. So, I actually considered one of them online dating thingys.
** It's true, Dwight is what I call 'man-pretty', his cheek bones are higher than Courtney Love on Christmas and he speaks in iambic pentameter. **
Well, I was online on one for a grand total of 4 days, and I received nothing of the sort. I had a profile up, my picture was nice, my face was relatively food and grime free, and my profile extolled the virtues of the kind of person I was, etc. Nothing. They have these things called 'smiles', whereby if a woman is interested in your profile, she may leave one, ostensibly to express interest in you. And believe me, it was quite the solicitation, for I literally carpet bombed (no pun intended) every woman that I found suitable, which at this juncture quite honestly was about 80% of them, and I received silence in exchange. Well, that was my $20 worth. What are ya gonna do?......Well, I will tell you what I did...
I did some research on the particular dating company from an article you may find here. By the estimation of the company profiled, they reckon it is 10 males per female online (surprise, surprise). I hadn't quite thought about, but then I decided to conduct my own experiment. I posted an ad, not as a male but as a female. I included such salacious details as a height of 5'9", I was blonde, 27 years old, and mentioned that I was looking for nothing serious, just some fun, new in town, blah,blah, blah, and mentioned that I spoke Croatian and Polish, to sweeten the pot some more (what guy doesn't have Eastern European fantasies?). As for a picture, I didn't include that, just to create some mystery. Well, it has been 24 hours since the profile has been up, and thus far I have received 13 messages from potential suitors. Without a fuckin' picture, for chrissakes! There was one fella who was speaking to me in my native tongue (polish, you will recall).I don't know what the fuck he said, but I'll bet he was a nice guy. There was another guy, who thought I sounded 'really cool', I guess based upon my 56 word profile blurb. Wow, ESP as well. What woman wouldn't be impressed? I am tempted to write back, but I think I will see how long this goes before some of them recognize that a) a picture may not be forthcoming-ever or b) someone perchance sees this blog, or the above article link and sez "..wait a minute....there might not be woman on here at all!" In fact, when I was on the above mentioned website in the 'males seeking chicks to fu....' er, I mean 'seeking female companionship' section, I saw a picture of a well equipped woman whom I recall seeing in a sex mag...er..I mean that my friend Aaron showed me in a sex mag, and that kinda put the bug in my ear.
My advice? Save your money and go out and spend the same amount on drinks and go looking the old fashioned way. At least that way you can tell how good that girl's Croatian is. Or her Polish for that matter.
posted by Dwight at 11:32 AM
posted by WesinCalgary @ 11:09 PM
0 comments
Monday, August 29, 2005
a little Bill Maher...
May 13, 2005
It is time now for our final New Rules! Of this season.
New Rule: The next reality show must be called "America's Stupidest State." We'll start at 50, and each week, if your state does something really stupid with, say, evolution or images of the Virgin Mary, you'll move on to the next round. Now, of course, the final five will always end up being Alabama, Utah, Kansas, Texas and Florida. Sorry, Tennessee.
New Rule: Someone must stop the Cirque du Soleil. If we hate the French so much, how come we gave them Las Vegas? There are now six Cirque du Soleil-related shows on The Strip. Six! Who wants to spend two hours watching a bunch of French chicks fold themselves in half? You know what? Scratch that. New Rule: We need more Cirque du Soleil!
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic?! I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
And finally, New Rule: The people in America who are most in favor of the Iraq war must now go there and fight it. The Army missed its recruiting goal by 42% last month. More people joined the Michael Jackson Fan Club. "We've done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit." And now we need warm bodies. We need warm bodies like Paula Abdul needs...warm bodies!
Now, last week, a Baptist minister in North Carolina told nine members of his congregation that unless they renounced their 2004 vote for John Kerry, they had to leave his church. Well, if we're that certain these days that George Bush is always that right about everything, then going to Iraq to fulfill the glorious leader's vision would seem the least one could do. And, hey, if it makes it any easier for you, just think of it as a reality show: "Fear Factor: Shitting Your Pants Edition." "Survivor: Sunni Triangle." Or maybe it's a video game, "Grand Theft Allah."
Now, I know you're thinking, but, Bill, I already do my part with the "Support Our Troops" magnet I have on my Chevy Tahoe. How much more can one man give? Well, here's an intriguing economic indicator. It's been over a year since they graduated, but neither of the Bush twins has been able to find work. Why don't they sign up? Do they hate America or just freedom in general?
And that goes for everybody who helped sell this war. You've got to go first. Brooks and Dunn, drop your cocks and grab your socks! Ann Coulter, darling, trust me, you will love the Army. You think you make up shit!
Curt Schilling, b-bye! You ended the curse on Boston. Good. Let's try your luck in Fallouja. Oh, and that Republican Baldwin brother, he's got to go so that Ted Nugent has someone to frag.
But mostly, we have to send Mr. And Mrs. Britney Spears. Because Britney once said, "We should trust our president in every decision that he makes, and we should just support that and be faithful in what happens." Okay, somebody has to die for that. Or at least go. Hey, maybe she'll like it. Hell, she's already knocked up. That'll save the MP unit about ten minutes.
And think of the spiritual lift it will provide to troops and civilians alike when actual combat smacks the smirk off of Kevin Federline's face and fills his low-hanging trousers with dootie.
In summation, you cannot advocate for something you wouldn't do yourself. For example, I'm for fuel efficiency, which is why I drive a hybrid car and always take an electric private plane. I'm for legalizing marijuana, and so I smoke a ton of it.
And I'm for gay marriage, which is - oh, well, you get the points! All right, folks, thank you very much. You're a great crowd. Remember, we're taking a break, but we'll be back August 19th. Until then, "I'm Swiss!," my HBO Special airs July 30th at 10:00. I want to thank my guests, Senator Norm Coleman, Charles Barkley, Al Franken, Liz Marlantes and Gore Vidal. Thank you, folks. Appreciate it.
It is time now for our final New Rules! Of this season.
New Rule: The next reality show must be called "America's Stupidest State." We'll start at 50, and each week, if your state does something really stupid with, say, evolution or images of the Virgin Mary, you'll move on to the next round. Now, of course, the final five will always end up being Alabama, Utah, Kansas, Texas and Florida. Sorry, Tennessee.
New Rule: Someone must stop the Cirque du Soleil. If we hate the French so much, how come we gave them Las Vegas? There are now six Cirque du Soleil-related shows on The Strip. Six! Who wants to spend two hours watching a bunch of French chicks fold themselves in half? You know what? Scratch that. New Rule: We need more Cirque du Soleil!
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic?! I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
And finally, New Rule: The people in America who are most in favor of the Iraq war must now go there and fight it. The Army missed its recruiting goal by 42% last month. More people joined the Michael Jackson Fan Club. "We've done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit." And now we need warm bodies. We need warm bodies like Paula Abdul needs...warm bodies!
Now, last week, a Baptist minister in North Carolina told nine members of his congregation that unless they renounced their 2004 vote for John Kerry, they had to leave his church. Well, if we're that certain these days that George Bush is always that right about everything, then going to Iraq to fulfill the glorious leader's vision would seem the least one could do. And, hey, if it makes it any easier for you, just think of it as a reality show: "Fear Factor: Shitting Your Pants Edition." "Survivor: Sunni Triangle." Or maybe it's a video game, "Grand Theft Allah."
Now, I know you're thinking, but, Bill, I already do my part with the "Support Our Troops" magnet I have on my Chevy Tahoe. How much more can one man give? Well, here's an intriguing economic indicator. It's been over a year since they graduated, but neither of the Bush twins has been able to find work. Why don't they sign up? Do they hate America or just freedom in general?
And that goes for everybody who helped sell this war. You've got to go first. Brooks and Dunn, drop your cocks and grab your socks! Ann Coulter, darling, trust me, you will love the Army. You think you make up shit!
Curt Schilling, b-bye! You ended the curse on Boston. Good. Let's try your luck in Fallouja. Oh, and that Republican Baldwin brother, he's got to go so that Ted Nugent has someone to frag.
But mostly, we have to send Mr. And Mrs. Britney Spears. Because Britney once said, "We should trust our president in every decision that he makes, and we should just support that and be faithful in what happens." Okay, somebody has to die for that. Or at least go. Hey, maybe she'll like it. Hell, she's already knocked up. That'll save the MP unit about ten minutes.
And think of the spiritual lift it will provide to troops and civilians alike when actual combat smacks the smirk off of Kevin Federline's face and fills his low-hanging trousers with dootie.
In summation, you cannot advocate for something you wouldn't do yourself. For example, I'm for fuel efficiency, which is why I drive a hybrid car and always take an electric private plane. I'm for legalizing marijuana, and so I smoke a ton of it.
And I'm for gay marriage, which is - oh, well, you get the points! All right, folks, thank you very much. You're a great crowd. Remember, we're taking a break, but we'll be back August 19th. Until then, "I'm Swiss!," my HBO Special airs July 30th at 10:00. I want to thank my guests, Senator Norm Coleman, Charles Barkley, Al Franken, Liz Marlantes and Gore Vidal. Thank you, folks. Appreciate it.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 4:26 AM
0 comments
Friday, August 26, 2005
The Next Great American Novel...
well maybe this doesn't qualify but it sure is funny. God America is screwed up...
(ripped from here)
“Book Description
This full-color illustrated book is a fun way for parents to teach young children the valuable lessons of conservatism. Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in taxes, take down their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with every glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living in Liberaland.
From the Publisher
Would you let your child read blatantly liberal stories with titles such as “King & King,” “No, George, No,” or “It’s Just a Plant”? Unless you live in Haight-Ashbury or write for the New York Times, probably not. But with the nation’s libraries and classrooms filled with overtly liberal children’s books advocating everything from gay marriage to marijuana use, kids everywhere are being deluged with left-wing propaganda. “Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed” is the book conservative parents have been seeking. This illustrated book — the first in the “Help! Mom!” series from Kids Ahead — is perfect for parents who seek to share their traditional values with their children, as well as adults who wish to give a humorous gift to a friend.
Hailed as “the answer to a baseball mom’s prayers” by talk radio host Melanie Morgan, “Liberals Under My Bed” has already been the subject of coverage in The Wall Street Journal and Harper’s magazine. Written by a self-proclaimed “Security Mom for Bush” and featuring hilarious full-color illustrations by a Reuben Award winning artist, it is certain to be one of the most talked about children’s books of the year.
Reading level: Ages 4-8
Hardcover: 54 pages
Publisher: Kids Ahead (September 20, 2005)
Language: English
ISBN: 0976726904”
posted by WesinCalgary @ 10:20 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
The Stag Party...
I promised lots of pictures from the stag party but alas there wasn't much picture taking going on. This is the morning after snuggle with AJ and Rick, I know they're adorable aren't they? Banff is one kick ass little party town, we whooped it up good at the Keg then went down to Aurora and shut the place down. It didn't hurt that there were like 4 Stagette parties going on that night either...Anyway I think I have a few more pics I'll post them later. I'm finally done stupid summer classes so I'll be drinking lots of beer at 6 in the morning, swing by on your way to work for a cold one. Seacrest out.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 4:11 AM
0 comments
Monday, August 22, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
What a fuck-up....
The word 'mistakes' in this article is profoundly understated.
Mistakes led to tube shooting
11.05PM, Tue Aug 16 2005
ITV News has obtained secret documents and photographs that detail why police shot Jean Charles De Menezes dead on the tube.
The Brazilian electrician was killed on 22 July, the day after the series of failed bombings on the tube and bus network.
The crucial mistake that ultimately led to his death was made at 9.30am when Jean Charles left his flat in Scotia Road, South London.
Surveillance officers wrongly believed he could have been Hussain Osman, one of the prime suspects, or another terrorist suspect.
By 10am that morning, elite firearms officers were provided with what they describe as "positive identification" and shot De Menezes eight times in the head and upper body.
The documents and photographs confirm that Jean Charles was not carrying any bags, and was wearing a denim jacket, not a bulky winter coat, as had previously been claimed.
He was behaving normally, and did not vault the barriers, even stopping to pick up a free newspaper.
He started running when we saw a tube at the platform. Police had agreed they would shoot a suspect if he ran.
A document describes CCTV footage, which shows Mr de Menezes entered Stockwell station at a "normal walking pace" and descended slowly on an escalator.
The document said: "At some point near the bottom he is seen to run across the concourse and enter the carriage before sitting in an available seat.
"Almost simultaneously armed officers were provided with positive identification."
A member of the surveillance team is quoted in the report. He said: "I heard shouting which included the word `police' and turned to face the male in the denim jacket.
"He immediately stood up and advanced towards me and the CO19 officers. I grabbed the male in the denim jacket by wrapping both my arms around his torso, pinning his arms to his side.
"I then pushed him back on to the seat where he had been previously sitting. I then heard a gun shot very close to my left ear and was dragged away onto the floor of the carriage."
The report also said a post mortem examination showed Mr de Menezes was shot seven times in the head and once in the shoulder, but three other bullets missed, with the casings left lying in the tube carriage.
Police have declined to comment while the mistaken killing is still being investigated.
Mistakes led to tube shooting
11.05PM, Tue Aug 16 2005
ITV News has obtained secret documents and photographs that detail why police shot Jean Charles De Menezes dead on the tube.
The Brazilian electrician was killed on 22 July, the day after the series of failed bombings on the tube and bus network.
The crucial mistake that ultimately led to his death was made at 9.30am when Jean Charles left his flat in Scotia Road, South London.
Surveillance officers wrongly believed he could have been Hussain Osman, one of the prime suspects, or another terrorist suspect.
By 10am that morning, elite firearms officers were provided with what they describe as "positive identification" and shot De Menezes eight times in the head and upper body.
The documents and photographs confirm that Jean Charles was not carrying any bags, and was wearing a denim jacket, not a bulky winter coat, as had previously been claimed.
He was behaving normally, and did not vault the barriers, even stopping to pick up a free newspaper.
He started running when we saw a tube at the platform. Police had agreed they would shoot a suspect if he ran.
A document describes CCTV footage, which shows Mr de Menezes entered Stockwell station at a "normal walking pace" and descended slowly on an escalator.
The document said: "At some point near the bottom he is seen to run across the concourse and enter the carriage before sitting in an available seat.
"Almost simultaneously armed officers were provided with positive identification."
A member of the surveillance team is quoted in the report. He said: "I heard shouting which included the word `police' and turned to face the male in the denim jacket.
"He immediately stood up and advanced towards me and the CO19 officers. I grabbed the male in the denim jacket by wrapping both my arms around his torso, pinning his arms to his side.
"I then pushed him back on to the seat where he had been previously sitting. I then heard a gun shot very close to my left ear and was dragged away onto the floor of the carriage."
The report also said a post mortem examination showed Mr de Menezes was shot seven times in the head and once in the shoulder, but three other bullets missed, with the casings left lying in the tube carriage.
Police have declined to comment while the mistaken killing is still being investigated.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 2:23 AM
0 comments
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Intelligent Design vs Evolution
Intelligent Is as Intelligence Doesn't
by Will Durst
Taking valuable time from clearing brush on what apparently is the most brush infested ranch in the country, President Bush spoke to members of the press encouraging our country's school districts to incorporate both sides of the debate regarding the development of humanity into their teaching plans: Evolution, the theory that man descended from an infinite number of apes typing on an infinite number of typewriters, and Intelligent Design, the idea that an unseen force (not necessarily God, but not un-godlike either) nudged our genes with big giant invisible fingers to the point where no child is left behind. Or something like that.
This is shocking to the same degree that goats eat shoes. Especially to anyone who's been semi-cognizant the last five years and watched Mr. Bush work his backward magic disproving Darwin with a series of policies stripping workers and minorities and women and anyone who isn't an energy producer (and I ain't talking methane gas) of their rights. Not only does the President not believe in evolution but ironically, he has become his own best argument.
One of the logic wedges Intelligent Designers like to jump into with both semantic feet is that Charles Darwin called his discovery "The Theory of Evolution." "See. It's just a theory!" Oh come on, grow up. What's next? You going to require the Principle of Atomic Force attend PTA meetings? What about the Law of Gravity? Does an initiative for repeal lie in its immediate future? Apparently all we need do is to hire Denny Crain or petition one of those activist judges and voila ... broken vases and scraped knees -- a thing of the past. Hey, it's just a law! And a bad one at that.
The theory of Intelligent Design maintains life on Earth is too complex to have developed through Evolution. Too complex? Oh no! You mean there are things we don't know? Of course there are. We have brains the size of peas. And I tell you, if we keep dumbing down our schools, the concept of fudge will seem complicated. Not to mention innocent before guilty. Wasn't too long ago people thought a solar eclipse was a dragon eating the sun as it rode across the sky on the back of a giant turtle. But that was just my Uncle Bud draining a six-pack on his riding mower.
Now don't get me wrong, the Bible is a great book, but it has as much to do with science as gummi bears have to do with aerospace navigation. How soon before 2 + 2 equals whatever God wants it to be? Back in the 17th century, Galileo proposed the Earth revolved around the sun, not the other way around, and was promptly convicted of heresy and imprisoned for the rest of his life at a time when home detention did not include adequate satellite reception. In response to his pardon from the Catholic Church 400 years later, Galileo conveniently was unavailable for comment.
If these people are really seeking alternative theories as to how life originated, I got one. I got a doozy. Santa killed the evil Martian overlords and flew us here from Pluto on his sled. How about that? Hey, it's a theory! And I want to see it included on the blackboard of every science classroom as part of the new curriculum: Evolution, Intelligent Design and Santa's Sled. At least my Santa Sled Theory is flexible enough to explain the reason for the human appendix -- Martian mark of the insurgent.
Political comic still has his appendix.
by Will Durst
Taking valuable time from clearing brush on what apparently is the most brush infested ranch in the country, President Bush spoke to members of the press encouraging our country's school districts to incorporate both sides of the debate regarding the development of humanity into their teaching plans: Evolution, the theory that man descended from an infinite number of apes typing on an infinite number of typewriters, and Intelligent Design, the idea that an unseen force (not necessarily God, but not un-godlike either) nudged our genes with big giant invisible fingers to the point where no child is left behind. Or something like that.
This is shocking to the same degree that goats eat shoes. Especially to anyone who's been semi-cognizant the last five years and watched Mr. Bush work his backward magic disproving Darwin with a series of policies stripping workers and minorities and women and anyone who isn't an energy producer (and I ain't talking methane gas) of their rights. Not only does the President not believe in evolution but ironically, he has become his own best argument.
One of the logic wedges Intelligent Designers like to jump into with both semantic feet is that Charles Darwin called his discovery "The Theory of Evolution." "See. It's just a theory!" Oh come on, grow up. What's next? You going to require the Principle of Atomic Force attend PTA meetings? What about the Law of Gravity? Does an initiative for repeal lie in its immediate future? Apparently all we need do is to hire Denny Crain or petition one of those activist judges and voila ... broken vases and scraped knees -- a thing of the past. Hey, it's just a law! And a bad one at that.
The theory of Intelligent Design maintains life on Earth is too complex to have developed through Evolution. Too complex? Oh no! You mean there are things we don't know? Of course there are. We have brains the size of peas. And I tell you, if we keep dumbing down our schools, the concept of fudge will seem complicated. Not to mention innocent before guilty. Wasn't too long ago people thought a solar eclipse was a dragon eating the sun as it rode across the sky on the back of a giant turtle. But that was just my Uncle Bud draining a six-pack on his riding mower.
Now don't get me wrong, the Bible is a great book, but it has as much to do with science as gummi bears have to do with aerospace navigation. How soon before 2 + 2 equals whatever God wants it to be? Back in the 17th century, Galileo proposed the Earth revolved around the sun, not the other way around, and was promptly convicted of heresy and imprisoned for the rest of his life at a time when home detention did not include adequate satellite reception. In response to his pardon from the Catholic Church 400 years later, Galileo conveniently was unavailable for comment.
If these people are really seeking alternative theories as to how life originated, I got one. I got a doozy. Santa killed the evil Martian overlords and flew us here from Pluto on his sled. How about that? Hey, it's a theory! And I want to see it included on the blackboard of every science classroom as part of the new curriculum: Evolution, Intelligent Design and Santa's Sled. At least my Santa Sled Theory is flexible enough to explain the reason for the human appendix -- Martian mark of the insurgent.
Political comic still has his appendix.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 3:27 AM
0 comments
Friday, August 12, 2005
Episode One...
There is a famine in the village of Alba and the boy Timmin as left seeking work. Some evil blacksmith has forced him into a kind of quasi slavery, not allowing proper coffee breaks, access to a shop stewart etc. Hercules is cruising through town delvering food and such when he hears of young Timmin's plight. Finding the non-union blacksmith shop he dispenses with the evil blacksmith and they begin the long march home. Of course the blacksmith is pissed because good help is hard to find, he tricks Hercules into some river that has water so cold it disables everyone. So Herc is stuck in this river and the evil blacksmith absconds with Timmins, everything seems screwed...but alas! Hercules gets Newton to push a bolder off a cliff, Hercules catchs said boulder and throws it upstream blocking the flow of the river. The water recedes and Hercules is free to take poor Timins back home to Alba.
Wow, it was quite an episode, can't wait to watch more.
Wow, it was quite an episode, can't wait to watch more.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 12:49 PM
0 comments
Crazy weekend ahead...
Mike's stag party is this weekend and it should be a good one. Poker, paintball and puking. Good times. I'll be documenting the whole thing so look for some good posts on Sunday, or maybe Monday.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 3:17 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I work at Timmy Hoe's....
I just got back from one of my many trips to Tim Hortons and was surprised to see all manner of celebratory material being used to decorate the interior of the eattery. When I queried as to the reasons behind the festive decorations the clerk pointed to a sign. "Team Tim Horton's Day". That's right it's a Tim Horton's recruiting drive. Now if balloons and a sign don't make you want to start dropping dough into boiling hot animal fat the get a load of this...they are giving away an ipod to one lucky applicant from each store. Wow. That's gonna drive them in. If low wages and crappy shifts have you thinking twice then the chance to win an ipod will probably make you drop your 9-5 and start pouring double-doubles while listening to stolen music.
I don't get these small business owners, these supposed captains of capitalism. Now I'm no economist (ask Max or Tara) but if you are having a hard time finding workers, then maybe you should try bumping up your wages. I know that sounds radical but I think it might work, prior to common belief people who work at these jobs are actually there to acquire currency, not for a good time or for altruistic reasons. I think what hamstrings these owners is their franchise agreements. While they might be free to pay whatever wages the local economy allows, the central command station (Corporate Headquarters) keeps the prices standardized across the country. Oh yeah on a side note it said that there were 165 aphids, one for each store in Alberta. If there a roughly 3 million people in Alberta that works out to one store for every 18000 people. No wonder the lineups are so bad.
"Let's go shag behind the fryer" "Alright, grab a box of Timbits"
I don't get these small business owners, these supposed captains of capitalism. Now I'm no economist (ask Max or Tara) but if you are having a hard time finding workers, then maybe you should try bumping up your wages. I know that sounds radical but I think it might work, prior to common belief people who work at these jobs are actually there to acquire currency, not for a good time or for altruistic reasons. I think what hamstrings these owners is their franchise agreements. While they might be free to pay whatever wages the local economy allows, the central command station (Corporate Headquarters) keeps the prices standardized across the country. Oh yeah on a side note it said that there were 165 aphids, one for each store in Alberta. If there a roughly 3 million people in Alberta that works out to one store for every 18000 people. No wonder the lineups are so bad.
"Let's go shag behind the fryer" "Alright, grab a box of Timbits"
posted by WesinCalgary @ 12:04 AM
3 comments
Monday, August 08, 2005
Stunning revelations....
In a Wesincalgary exclusive, I have learned that contrary to the Prime Ministers denial there was indeed a short list for Governor General. I have been leaked a classified report by Dwight, the list includes....
Me (shown below during my run for office as member of the Natural Law Party)
And, The Littlest Hobo (shown below driving the Pace car in the 1983 Toronto Indy Qualifying Event)
This is highly unusual since The Littlest Hobo has been absent from politics since his refusal to endorse the Meech Lake Accord and his sudden 1989 appearance in an edition of 'White Supremacy Monthly' magazine.
Me (shown below during my run for office as member of the Natural Law Party)
And, The Littlest Hobo (shown below driving the Pace car in the 1983 Toronto Indy Qualifying Event)
This is highly unusual since The Littlest Hobo has been absent from politics since his refusal to endorse the Meech Lake Accord and his sudden 1989 appearance in an edition of 'White Supremacy Monthly' magazine.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 2:38 AM
0 comments
The First Annual De Winton Inviational Poker tournament
...of the F.A.D.W.I.P.T. as it is known, was held on Saturday night. The results were disappointing for me but on the whole it was a lot of fun. I was pretty pissed when I was knocked out, having got all my money in with the best hand only to have Anne trip out on the river. Anyway such is life. Curt ended up winning, he took home about 200 bucks, not to shaby. My mom placed in 3rd place, beating out the poker masters of me, Mike Sharp and Brad. I'm beginning to think that she has been hustling us all along. She seems unable to grasp the check / raise / bet concept but then is able to slow play pocket cowboys and win huge pots off good players. I think the whole thing is an act. Next week is Mike's stag and I will be posting pics of that next Sunday so watch for it. Planned activities include poker on Friday (big surprise) Paintball on Saturday afternoon, going to Banff Saturday evening and puking early Sunday morning. Should be a hoot. There are more rumors about Eric Lindros signing with Calgary, still seems unlikely but you never know.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 2:22 AM
0 comments
The Kind of weekend Dave had...
That is a booger or 'snot' on Dave's head.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 2:17 AM
0 comments
Friday, August 05, 2005
Guest Column
Mad over Marty By Dave Popowich
I've been following the flurry of free agent signings from out here on the West Coast. It hasn't always been easy because the local newspaper mainly writes about fun runs and has a three-page obituary section. The "National" newspaper - The Globe and Mail - tends to have a somewhat Toronto-centric view, although this is improving. Anyhow, lost in the shuffle was a man who scored three series-winning goals in the last Stanley Cup Playoffs (four if you count the one in game 6 against the Lightning). I was very disappointed when I read on Wes' blog (which I check twice daily!) that Martin Gelinas had signed with the Sex Panthers.
I was even more disappointed to read that Tony Amonte and Darren
McCarty had been drafted as his replacements. I think to a large extent
that what got the whole city behind the Flames last season was their
drive and hunger, and I didn't think two guys in the twilight of their
careers - one of whom has won four cups and another who has always
played on underachieving teams - exactly personify this spirit. I said
so (although not in so many words) in the comments section of Wes'
blog, but Wes pointed out that I hadn't made a very strong argument in
support of my position. Thinking that perhaps I had prejudged poor Tony
Amonte, I sat down and did a little bit of research on him and Gelinas.
My analysis is presented below in table format. What I found is that in
many meaningful categories, Gelinas has indeed outperformed Amonte. Of
course, Amonte has more impressive individual stats, which have got him
picked to five all-star games where he got to play no defense and score
on a different goalie each period. But Gelinas has been on far better
teams over the course of his career, and I think that says something
about the kind of player he is. Maybe it's a coincidence that he ended
up in four Stanley Cup Finals while Amonte ended up in none, but the
Flames succeeded last year because they play a team game. I think it
remains to be seen if Amonte will fit into Darryl Sutter's system.
Sutter got us to the final so he deserves way more than the benefit of
the doubt, but this is one signing I'll be watching closely!
For WesinCalgary, I'm Dave Popowich.
I've been following the flurry of free agent signings from out here on the West Coast. It hasn't always been easy because the local newspaper mainly writes about fun runs and has a three-page obituary section. The "National" newspaper - The Globe and Mail - tends to have a somewhat Toronto-centric view, although this is improving. Anyhow, lost in the shuffle was a man who scored three series-winning goals in the last Stanley Cup Playoffs (four if you count the one in game 6 against the Lightning). I was very disappointed when I read on Wes' blog (which I check twice daily!) that Martin Gelinas had signed with the Sex Panthers.
I was even more disappointed to read that Tony Amonte and Darren
McCarty had been drafted as his replacements. I think to a large extent
that what got the whole city behind the Flames last season was their
drive and hunger, and I didn't think two guys in the twilight of their
careers - one of whom has won four cups and another who has always
played on underachieving teams - exactly personify this spirit. I said
so (although not in so many words) in the comments section of Wes'
blog, but Wes pointed out that I hadn't made a very strong argument in
support of my position. Thinking that perhaps I had prejudged poor Tony
Amonte, I sat down and did a little bit of research on him and Gelinas.
My analysis is presented below in table format. What I found is that in
many meaningful categories, Gelinas has indeed outperformed Amonte. Of
course, Amonte has more impressive individual stats, which have got him
picked to five all-star games where he got to play no defense and score
on a different goalie each period. But Gelinas has been on far better
teams over the course of his career, and I think that says something
about the kind of player he is. Maybe it's a coincidence that he ended
up in four Stanley Cup Finals while Amonte ended up in none, but the
Flames succeeded last year because they play a team game. I think it
remains to be seen if Amonte will fit into Darryl Sutter's system.
Sutter got us to the final so he deserves way more than the benefit of
the doubt, but this is one signing I'll be watching closely!
For WesinCalgary, I'm Dave Popowich.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 6:06 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Mixed Emotions....
One of the true heroes from last years Stanley Cup run is gone. Number 23 Martin Gelinas (shown left) has been signed by the Florida Panthers. I don't think any Flames fan will ever forget hearing Peter Mahr screaming "Martin Gelinas" over and over again. Say what you will about Mr. Sutter, he is not a sentimental man. There was some good news today, the Flames signed unrestricted free agents Darren McCarty and Tony Amonte. Both these players are solid Sutter type guys, a very good move. However with the signing of these two players the Flames chances of making good in the Neidermyer lottery are greatly diminished....As I was checking something on TSN.ca I noticed that the Oilers have signed Chris Pronger, that's not good. Oh well the Battle of Alberta should be a good one this year.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 11:01 PM
2 comments
"With the Strength of 10 Ordinary Men!"
All this talk of "Mask of Vulcan" and "Dedulas" really got me in a nostalgic mood. I was bumping around eBay and look what I found...
30 Episodes, 3 hours on DVD.....yes!
I'm high bidder so far at 99 cents American. If I win it I'll have a Hercules party, it'll be great, we'll drink wine and wear togas and 'signal Zeus' by opening our robes.
ps "With the Strength of 10 Ordinary Men!"? So why didn't 11 guys get together and beat the shit out of him?
30 Episodes, 3 hours on DVD.....yes!
I'm high bidder so far at 99 cents American. If I win it I'll have a Hercules party, it'll be great, we'll drink wine and wear togas and 'signal Zeus' by opening our robes.
ps "With the Strength of 10 Ordinary Men!"? So why didn't 11 guys get together and beat the shit out of him?
posted by WesinCalgary @ 3:17 AM
0 comments
Monday, August 01, 2005
Ask Local Tough Guy...
Back due to popular demand,
ASK THE LOCAL TOUGH GUY
Dear Local Tough Guy,
With all of this heat and high UV sun going on, I am confused as to what kind of facial treatment to use. I have been using L’Oreal products because they claim to have a UV protection, yet they don’t give a rating for it. Other products such as Shisedo give a UV rating of 15, but I heard that it provides no more than six. Then there’s my old standby Oil of Olay, which has a UV of 5. In the battle against wrinkles should I really trust any of them, or just continue to wear my wide brimmed sunhat?
Signed,
Sun baked in Southern Alberta
Dear Sunburnt,
Despite what Hollywood or drunken friends will tell you, punching some bastard who has it coming, especially in the head, is a sure way to have a fist that resembles viscous jelly after having broken all of your metacarpals. Nothing could be more stupid. Evolution has provided the human head with an unbelievable capacity to withstand repeated blows, even with blunt instruments. Trust me, after the Ice Cream kid screwed me for 25 cents and I went at him with the tire iron, he made good his escape. My suggestion? Sweep the legs, and then go for the ribs. In any extreme fighting match, that’s all those guys do, and some of them Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fuckers are five foot nothing for Chrissakes.
For Wesincalgary I'm Local Tough Guy
If you have any questions for Local Tough Guy, please email them to me and I will pass them on.
ASK THE LOCAL TOUGH GUY
Dear Local Tough Guy,
With all of this heat and high UV sun going on, I am confused as to what kind of facial treatment to use. I have been using L’Oreal products because they claim to have a UV protection, yet they don’t give a rating for it. Other products such as Shisedo give a UV rating of 15, but I heard that it provides no more than six. Then there’s my old standby Oil of Olay, which has a UV of 5. In the battle against wrinkles should I really trust any of them, or just continue to wear my wide brimmed sunhat?
Signed,
Sun baked in Southern Alberta
Dear Sunburnt,
Despite what Hollywood or drunken friends will tell you, punching some bastard who has it coming, especially in the head, is a sure way to have a fist that resembles viscous jelly after having broken all of your metacarpals. Nothing could be more stupid. Evolution has provided the human head with an unbelievable capacity to withstand repeated blows, even with blunt instruments. Trust me, after the Ice Cream kid screwed me for 25 cents and I went at him with the tire iron, he made good his escape. My suggestion? Sweep the legs, and then go for the ribs. In any extreme fighting match, that’s all those guys do, and some of them Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fuckers are five foot nothing for Chrissakes.
For Wesincalgary I'm Local Tough Guy
If you have any questions for Local Tough Guy, please email them to me and I will pass them on.
posted by WesinCalgary @ 8:13 AM
0 comments
